Michael Savage
Monday, July 9, 2001

In my time, though, their place in society would have been proscribed by their actual worth rather than by their gilded images.

And so, in my opinion, here are the following politicians and celebrities and their "top" position, "in my time":

1. Joey Lieberman – Tops
A Buick dealership in New Haven

2. Dianne Feinstein – Tops
A Steinway or Amway outlet in a large garage

3. Barbara Boxer – Tops
A small chain of Carvel Ice Cream stands in Bensonhurst

4. Charlie "Chuck" Schumer – Tops
An insurance agency in Ozone Park

5. Tom Daschle – Tops
A ski shop in Sioux Falls

6. Dick Gephardt – Tops
Three mortuaries in Joplin

7. The More-Reverend-Than-You Jesse Hi-Jackson – Tops
A croupier on a riverboat in your head

8. Janet Reno – Tops
A whistle-blowing physical education girl, "jock" teacher in Alligator, Florida

9. Alan Dershowitz – Tops
A sociology professor at Crap State

10. Barbra Streisand – Tops
A Mah-Jongg instructor in a Catskills hotel

11. Steven Spielberg – Tops
A projectionist at burlesque houses

12. Alec Baldwin – Tops
A meatpacker in Krakow

13. Ed Asner – Tops
A butcher in Amityville

14. Bill Clinton – Tops
A trafficker in human remains to anatomy labs

15. Hillary Clinton – Tops
An events planner in a kosher senior citizens home

16. Andrew Cuomo – Tops
A liquor store in Albany

17. Martin Sheen – Tops
A dairy farmer in Plattsburg

18. Sharon Stone – Tops
A topless dancer in Honolulu

19. Phil Bronstein – Tops
A cowboy boot salesman in a Tulsa Macy's

20. Al Gore – Tops
An itinerant preacher in Steubenville

21. Tipper Gore – Tops
Supervisor of a blood bank

22. Hadassah Lieberman – Tops
A wedding planner in the Bronx

23. Jerry Springer – Tops
A condom peddler in Cincinnati

Mike Savage is America's fastest-growing nationally syndicated talk show host. Paul Revere Society: www.thepaulreveresociety.com

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